Muse Funnies

Laughter is a universal language, a delightful remedy that lightens our hearts and brightens our days. Whether we’re facing the mundane or the extraordinary, a good laugh has the magical ability to brighten our spirits and bring a moment of joy. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, we all long for those precious moments that remind us of our own simple pleasures. That’s why I’ve put together this collection of jokes, an assortment of humour designed to tickle your funny bone and bring a glowing smile to your face. From clever puns to witty one-liner, there’s something here for everyone. So sit back, relax and prepare to chuckle, giggle, and guffaw your way through this curated selection of jokes. After all, Laughter truly is the best medicine, and it’s always the right time for a good laugh (except at a funeral). Enjoy!

What do you call a tense clock?

All wound up.

Why is everyone so tired by April 1st?

They just finished a March of 31 days.

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?

Because time will tell.

How many months have 28 days?

All 12 of them.

Why did the clock get sent to the principal’s office?

It was tocking too much.

For sale: clock with half a face… Limited time only!

I was also gonna tell a joke about time traveling but you guys didn’t like it.

Why did Eminem kneel at the half time show?

His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake, he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk: Time traveler: Do you have XL togas? Clerk: Well, yes. But why do you need so many?

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down!

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years’ time, I’d suffer terrible heart break. So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!

The bartender says, “No time travelers allowed in this bar!”

Two-time travelers walk into a bar.

When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason! So, I’ve worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I’m going back to when he was little and we’ll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine!

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana!

What do the past, present, and future do when they go camping?

They pitch ‘tents’ and argue about timelines.

My friend has a new time-consuming hobby, she’s started eating watches!

Real chefs never die, they simply run out of thyme.

Why do violinists waste time? They’re always fiddling about

The punchline always comes before the joke.

What's the worst part about telling time travel jokes?

Why is time travel like British boots?

It’s a pair-a-docs.

If I could time travel,

I’d fix that spelling mistake you didn’t notice.